the smoke swirls in front of my eyes

and i realize

i'm killing myself

and i don't care

my body shakes

it's hard to say why at this point

my lungs collapse


under the weight of my own mind

the bindings around my chest aren't tight enough

to hide my existence i hate so much

i see the dark scars on my arms and sigh

god...

to go back to those times.

i'm so blessed to live the life that i do.

i'm blessed to have the people in my life that i do.

i'm blessed to have the material objects and opportunities that i do.

i love my ife.

so why am i in so much pain?

i am a walking contradiction

and i hate hypocrites